May 26, 1997
A Gentle Invitation to Impolite Conversation
We Don't Have to Talk About the Weather
Don't discuss religion and politics. As I grew up, this warning was always in the background, so much that I was never sure just where it came from. You just didn't do that, in polite society. Weather was supposed to be a safe topic.
As kids will, I wondered about that. And as teens will, I thought I found the answer. Religion and politics were important, so the rule became, "Polite conversation avoids important topics."
In adulthood, I questioned and modified my answer. Wasn't weather important, too? (From my childhood on the farm, I knew it was.) Then why was it a polite topic? "Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it." That was it: Important things were allowed if we couldn't do anything about them.
That left religion and politics as important things we could do something about. Religion is the ordering of our personal life; politics is the ordering of our community life - important. We can vote, and we can pick a religion - we can do something about politics and religion. So, the formula seems to work.
Just to check that formula, suppose we lived in a world of weather control. I can hear the exchanges now: "Nice weather, isn't it?" would be met by a growling, "Short-view Yuppie picnicker." Weather would become politics, therefore not polite conversation.
Let's rewrite the book on polite conversation.
Why isn't it polite to bring up important topics people can do something about? I think it's because if you even hint that somebody has made a wrong choice on an important life decision, that person feels threatened. If it is suggested that the person should change his beliefs and actions to fit the other person's, that person feels especially threatened. If, on top of it all, the person who started the conversation thinks you should express agreement right now, probably you would feel, not just threatened, but attacked.
The "new book" on polite conversation, then, has to be built around threat reduction, not on choice of topics. If we can achieve religious communication without fear, we will be enriched socially, intellectually, and spiritually. This "fearless" ideal will be met with such principles as respectful listening (and seeking to understand), humble sharing from our own perspectives, and looking for the third answer better than both of the original positions. It won't be easy (if only because old habits die hard), but it's what I seek here.
And if you want to tell people you're defying the conventions of polite conversation online - amuse yourself. Just try to be polite on our revised terms - and you won't have to talk about the weather.
Dan Ellsworth [email protected]
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Pepperdine U's Internet List of World Religions
This site is comprehensive, including Indexing Sites (a treasure in itself), Organizational Sites (from American Academy of Religion to World Council of Churches), and Individual or Specialty Sites - a category which opens the door to several major religions. It seems weak on Christianity, but overall, a great start.
NewChristian: Find Relationship with God Through Jesus Christ
This is the best "becoming a Christian" site I've found so far, for friendly clarity and accuracy. Links available along the left side point you to Christian advice in different areas of life. Based on 4 basic steps (God's Purpose, Our Need, God's Provision, Our Response), this guide closes with a transition to ongoing Christian living. Southern Baptists have presented a good Gospel invitation here.
Zen Garden
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single click." These words, placed near a serene and well-rounded Buddha, continue the friendly tone set by the "garden" graphic. Hang out here, stay loose, be refreshed, and look for insight. Besides koans, there are stories to lead you to that moment of insight; the "stingy artist" is excellent.
C. S. Lewis: Into the Wardrobe: The C. S. Lewis Web Site
C. S. Lewis (1898-1963) is one of my Top 5 authors. His Narnia Chronicles series is not just for children. Screwtape Letters is advice from a senior devil to a junior tempter; have fun learning. Mere Christianity is a solid, intelligent introduction to the faith. Stepson Douglas Gresham introduces the site.
PeggiesPlace,
"May no strangers enter here--
Only friends who haven't met."
"Where in the world am I?
"You're on the doorstep of the most fun Christian home on the Web! Roomfuls of wonderful resources, warm friends--and a world of fun! Come on in, kick off your shoes, enjoy yourself--you are HOME!"
Pick up details when you walk in the door.
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Religion, esp. Christianity
